How do I find power in being a woman? How can I find power in roles that are inherently female. Designed to corral, to bind, to deconstruct and then tape back together. For me, it came from fucking. Not making love to a man who I called my husband, or my boyfriend- but fucking another human being, using him, dumping him like used toilet paper I just wiped my ass with.

Maybe two years ago, I started on a lark of my own. A sort of spiritual journey generated by my own FUCKING power. I started fucking as many guys as I could, with the least amount of emotion I had to invest in that other person. I would message guys on Tinder, POF, OKC, and and ask, “I’m horny I wanna fuck.” The responses were usually pathetic and hilarious. Most guys insisted I had some kind of ulterior motive- I’m an escort, I’m an adult model who wants to sell my website- or maybe I have some other terrible societal black mark to make me a pariah and worthy of suspicion. Because why would a “normal” attractive looking young woman just blurt out she wants to fuck? Pffff. Eye roll.

So when a woman attempts to switch into male role play – i.e. just wants to fuck and use someone and doesn’t care about feelings or love, then it’s not acceptable to men because where does that leave their gender identity? Ahhhhh the crux of the problem, the social disease of of women finding power from fucking.

This is where sex work becomes the toxic sewage dumping grounds of our society. A woman being willing- even WANTING to engage in the labor economy (a male domain as any Marxist will tell you) by using her BODY- historically the archaeological ruins of male needs, weaknesses,fears and inadequacies- Is a cold water enema to the patriarchy. It is the highest of high art of gender role play. It is utter ballet, and a thing of beauty. Like a rose flourishing in the Kalahari.

As my favorite lady, Cardi B, once said, “ever since I started using guys I feel so much better about myself. I feel so god damn powerful.” A first or second wave feminist would look at this and think oh no we’re behaving just as badly as men. But the BEHAVIOR of fucking itself is not bad. It is not good. It is just a neutral act in and of itself. Theoretically, with no gender assigned to it’s category. People give actions meaning. Which of course are going to vary.One could look at fucking like a human experience. Something that we might all innately share the inclination for, yet certain identities are penalized for acting on those impulses more than others. Or it could be looked at like fucking is a manifestation of power. One of many ways that power manifests itself in humans. Since male bodied individuals typically have a higher degree of recognized social power than say female bodied people, maybe we’re just all copying each other in the ways we are clamoring for power among each other.

All I know is Cardi B is right. There’s something so god damn powerful about fucking.