To men, I’m always a whore. Once they find out about my sex work past one of two things will happen: either the guy will think, “bingo! Green light! Free sex!” And descend on me like a bird of prey orrrrr the man in question will run screaming in the other direction.
so why tell the guy? You may think, well just don’t bring it up then. No. I can’t do that. I AM A SEX WORKER. Whether it makes said male uncomfortable or not, it’s an incredibly important part of who I am. I’m currently retired, but when I was actively sex working my life was not the life of a normie. Just like my struggle with addiction and my identification as a drug addict and alcoholic is a pivotal part of who I am, and my bipolar is a crucial part of who I am- because these things have UNIQUELY shaped my life- so too does my history of participation in the alternative sexual economy. It’s who I am. And I’m not going to hide it or adjust who I am for anyone’s fucking comfort.
So this brings me to how do I date as a Sex Worker, knowing my status as one will either alienate and repel OR it will turn me into a sexual commodity. Which is funny because the clients I worked with always treated me with respect. Even though I was technically turning myself into a commodity through the exchange of money for an erotic service- I never felt commodified. I never felt like my humanity was being steamrolled for the purposes of hyper sexualization, like it does so often when I disclose.
Im pan sexual. I fall in love and become attracted based on the person. But in my dealings with males, I have come to learn that the claiming of my own sexuality for MYSELF- not for that man- is highly taboo. To be strong, assertive, go after a guy when you want to fuck him or date him- that is not ok. So I am not ok. My “brand” of sexuality is not ok. Because the reality is I have fucked more people than most of the men I talk to, and disclosing my status as a SW relays that fact.
I don’t know how to date authentically as a SW. I don’t have an answer. I want to stay true to who I am, but I don’t want to be alone. I am a weirdo. An addict. A mentally I’ll person. A Sex Worker. I’m a wild stallion. I can’t be tamed or reeled in. And hasn’t that ALWAYS been problematic for women?